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What Are Your Values as a Couple?

Values are what we believe are important and should be prioritized in our lives, and many of us do our best to try to live our lives in a way that match these values. Some examples of values are family, wealth, success, knowledge, freedom, loyalty, independence, and safety. If you do a quick Google search for value words, you can find many lists of different values.

We all have our own priorities when it comes to values, and when individuals become a couple, they are each bringing these values into the relationship. Often, people become a couple because they share many of the same values, but not always. It can be a powerful exploration for partners to discuss what values they are bringing individually, as well as to discuss what their joint values are for their relationship. Below are some questions to help you and your partner begin to explore your own values and those of your relationship:

-What are your top five values in life? What are your partner’s?

-Was it easy or difficult to choose your five values? Why or why not?

-Are you surprised by any of the values on your partner’s list? Why?

-What are your values as a couple? Are they the same or different than each of your individual


-What changes, if any, need to be made in your relationship to better align with your joint couple


-How can you support each other as you make these changes?

If you and your partner would like support as you explore your values as a couple, couples therapy can be a helpful place to have these conversations. A therapist can help you and your partner set goals for how to better apply your values to your relationship, as well as explore how you can support each other as you work on accomplishing this.

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